Do you ever feel you have been given a cross to bear? I often tell people about the cross I carry, a congenital birth defect that has forever changed my life. In 2005 I was diagnosed with Chiari Malformation, also known as Arnold–Chiari malformation. Chiari is a condition that affects the brain. It consists of a downward displacement of the cerebellar tonsils through the opening at the base of the skull. As a result there is an obstruction of spinal fluid. With the obstruction comes headaches, fatigue, muscle weakness, difficulty swallowing, dizziness, nausea, tinnitus, impaired coordination, and, in severe cases, paralysis. In 2005 I was dealing with all of this and trying to raise 2 very young children. On February 23 of 2006 I went in for a three and a half hour brain decompression surgery. I spent 3 days in ICU, none of which I remember. I do know my husband, parents, and sister prayed as if there was no tomorrow. My mother tells me she called home to our church Sunday morning and asked them to pray for me and that afternoon I came out of my fog! The power of prayer! Today I am so glad I had the surgery, but because there is no cure, I hope and pray that I don't ever have to have another surgery. This is my cross. A cross that causes mental fog, memory loss, and extreme physical pain. I see a pain management doctor all too often and live on many medications. The reason I tell you all of this is because this is what brought me to my knees physically, literally. I have spent many hours praying and talking with God. I don't know why I was brought to my knees, I only know that it has brought me closer to my Lord. I once read that "suffering is a gift entrusted to us, to sharpen our focus." I not only believe this, I KNOW this. "The suffering is as much a gift as the trusting." When I am in severe pain I pray and try to focus on God. I pray for relief, for patience, for understanding. Would I pray and talk to God this often if I wasn't suffering, NO! Is it a gift, YES! Do I get angry, absolutely! Do I cry, more than you know! Do I give up...NO! I believe it is okay to get angry with God, to question God. I think this makes my faith stronger. It pushes me to find answers, to seek, to grow, to trust. Do you have a cross you are bearing, physically or mentally? Is it dragging you down? Take a moment to stop and talk to God about it. Cry your tears, get angry, and then pray. Remember to be a living sacrifice. Bear your cross, moment by moment, day by day. And then when all the tears are dry and all the anger gone, thank the Lord for the gift of your cross because it helps to sharpen your focus.
No comments:
Post a Comment